Who You Calling A Homebody?

SENSITIVE PERSONALITY

CHARACTERISTICS

1.  They prefer the known to the unknown. They are inspired by routine and habit.

2.  Appreciating the comfort of home, they stick closely to family and a few close friends.

3.  They care very much what other people think of them.

4.  They don’t make hasty judgments nor jump in before they know what’s appropriate. They behave with deliberate discretion when around other people.

5.  They maintain a courteous, self-restrained demeanor.

DOMAINS OF SENSITIVE FUNCTIONING

1.  Emotions–Safe At Home

They find their emotional security by building a small world they can call their own, so they are territorial and family centered. Within their own territory, they are warm, giving, open, creative. However, around strangers they feel threatened, guarded, anxious, yet they mask their discomfort beneath a polite, cool facade. Since they take their time getting to know people, ‘snow queen’ is usually how they are described.

They like to know every detail about everything in their environment. The more they know something, the more they’re inspired to continue researching on the same topic. They like to travel within their own country, but hesitant to travel abroad unless someone they know goes with them. They worry about things quite a bit, so they always leave the house prepared for any emergency that may arise.

Just because they’re most comfortable at home doesn’t mean they aren’t curious about the world around them. They love to read and often use creative energy to focus on imagination, fantasy, etc. Most Sensitive people are creative artists.

2.  Relationships–A Few Familiar Faces

They like other people and want them in their lives, but only to a degree. In a warm solid relationship between one person or a small group of friends, their self-confidence peaks. If they are at a large gathering, they’ll find an excuse to leave. Sensitive people doubt themselves. As the crowd begins to increase, they start to feel self-conscious, thinking they’ll say something stupid. At social functions, they will be most comfortable bringing someone close with them; if they came alone, then they’ll look for someone they recognize right away.

Until they begin to trust a new acquaintance’s feelings for them, they’ll hide their emotions behind a polite, well-mannered, emotionally distant facade. When they finally let their guard down, the coolness will never return. Instead their personalities will shine through.

They are loyal, devoted, and caring. They often marry for life. If they never marry, they usually prefer long-term relationships. They’re good parents by being attentive of their kids and watchful of their safety. They usually give their children a strong sense of home and family, letting them know they always have a place to turn.

Stress for Sensitive people comes from having to face the unfamiliar. It also comes from criticism because they care a great deal what other people think of them, so disapproval and criticism hurts. It’ll be masked by their reserved demeanor though. Break-ups are hard for them. They’ll be reluctant to go out and meet new people, and they often attempt to return to former lovers.

They are best off with people who are also family centered but who can take the lead socially and help them enjoy an easier social life. Therefore, Solitary isn’t a good match. People with a balanced style of Conscientious, Self-Confident, and Dramatic would have a lot to offer. Too much Conscientious may cause their partner to feel uncomfortable in social settings. Too much Self-Confident won’t tolerate their partner’s limitations imposing on his/her universe. Too much Dramatic would expect their partner to socialize all the time, which would be too stressful for their partner.

Devoted will be very accepting but may lack the decisiveness to step out and take the lead when their partner needs someone to rely on. Since they each form strong family bonds, Leisurely and Self-Sacrificing may be good matches. With Sensitive or Vigilant, they will be content to live in their partner’s small world, but they will reinforce their partner’s discomfort instead of making their life easier.

Adventurous is the worst match since they love taking risks and exploring the world. Idiosyncratic would probably embarrass their partners. who wouldn’t want to bring attention to themselves.

3.  Work–Home Away From Home

They bring good qualities to the workplace if they can build a comfortable work nest. If so, they’re reliable, steady, effective. They work best with just a few co-workers who they can become familiar with. They love defined roles so that they know what’s expected of them and don’t have to readjust every day. They always try to do good work, and they act uneasy around management unless its a small office.

They often are more ambitious on their own behalf for work than on their own behalf politically. They may wish to be promoted, but they aren’t eager to expose themselves to upper management. If they ever become managers, they encourage a family environment for their staff. However, they will appear aloof and cold to new employees until they are sure of his/her performance and his/her personality. They work best with a staff that hardly has any turnover.

They should seek a career in which they have a defined role–accountant, computer programmer, doctor, etc–and where their exposure to the public is limited. They are often uneasy around strangers they must consult or influence, so stay away from contracting, public relations, sales, public speaking.

TIPS ON DEALING WITH THE SENSITIVE PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

1.  Treasure the closeness and loyalty that this person offers you. Recognize that you are among a favored few in this person’s life.

2.  Accept this person completely, even their shortcomings.

3.  Avoid emotional torture. Don’t insist that they do things that make them uncomfortable just to please you. They want you to be happy with them, but there are some things they just can’t do. The reluctance has nothing to do with you, so don’t hold it against them.

4.  They want to please the important people in their lives; if you compromise, it may encourage them to take a few steps farther than what they were willing to go.

5.  Help. Act as a guide to the unfamiliar activities. Reassure, encourage, and praise; don’t allow them to become dependent on you.

6.  Recognize the signs. For instance, you’re both about to leave for dinner with your new boss and his wife. This person starts complaining about feeling ill, becomes cranky, or is taking their time getting ready. Instead of starting an argument, say “I’ll bet your nervous about tonight.” Reassure them that everyone will like them.

7.  Don’t attack them for having these social difficulties. Instead express the problem openly, directly.

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR SENSITIVE STYLE

1.  Every once in a while, change one or more of your routines just for the sake of change.

2.  Every time you find yourself tempted to avoid something because of your anxiety, do the opposite. Take small steps and give yourself credit for any progress made.

3.  Be who you are. It’s your efforts to hide your human imperfections that make you stiff, uncomfortable, and unapproachable. If you accept your flaws, other people will find it easier to accept you with them.

4.  You tend to look at yourself through other people’s eyes. So, you try to change your behavior in order to please them. Instead only focus on what you think.

5.  When you have the feeling that people are looking at you in an uncomplimentary way, ask yourself whether that feeling might be coming from you.

6.  Every time someone criticizes you, stand back and observe how you overreact. Do you equate criticism with hate or rejection?

7.  Ask yourself what you can do in every situation that you feel limited or stuck in.

8.  Anxiety is a dangerous inner state, not an outer reality. Have faith that things will get better.

9.  Consider dealing with your own anxiety instead of always relying on your loved ones to protect you from it.

AVOIDANT PERSONALITY DISORDER

DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA

A pervasive pattern of social discomfort, fear of negative evaluation, and timidity, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by at least 4 of the following:

1.  is easily hurt by criticism or disapproval

2.  has no close friends or confidants (or only one) other than first-degree relatives

3.  is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked

4.  avoids social or occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, e.g., refuses a promotion that will increase social demands

5.  is reticent in social situations because of a fear of saying something inappropriate or foolish, or of being unable to answer a question

6.  fears of being embarrassed by blushing, crying, or showing signs of anxiety in front of other people

7.  exaggerates the potential difficulties, physical dangers, or risks involved in doing something ordinary but outside their routine

DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON’T

When they can’t avoid others, they stand aloof and look down to avoid eye contact. Although the avoidance of close relationships relieves them of feeling anxiety of waiting for rejection to happen, it removes them from what they unconsciously desire–acceptance, approval, love of other people. They are lonely loners, who ache to be a part of things but don’t know how.

Being sure that others will treat them badly, their awkward self-consciousness becomes off-putting. Other people think that Avoidant people are cold and don’t want to be included. They feel isolated, unwanted, incompetent, different no matter what they do. Usually they are anxious and depressed.

LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY

Since they are so oversensitive to negative or constructive evaluation, anything that isn’t open acceptance is perceived as rejection. Their expectations of relationships are immature and unrealistic. They believe that acceptance means unconditional love–never become angry with each other, never point out flaws, never hurt each other, always accept without reservation.

They believe to be accepted and loved, one can have no imperfections; they have a great deal of difficulty experiencing real love (for others or for themselves). They feel contempt for themselves and anger towards others.

CREATURES OF HABIT

By sticking to their routines, they prevent having to deal with surprises. If they get asked to step outside their comfort zone, they will focus on risks and dangers, blowing them out of proportion. They can usually work with others, but their co-workers think they’re standoffish, cold, or very shy. They often find freedom by allowing their creative imagination to take them far away from their anxieties.

RISKS, PREDISPOSTIONS, AND INCIDENCE

Their lack of satisfactory ties to other people make them prone to mood disorders, anxiety disorders, phobias. They may develop amnesia or depersonalization (dissociative disorders). Inborn temperament may predispose them to this personality disorder. Other than biological or constitutional factors, a disfiguring illness may contribute. Faced with anxiety, they become extremely tense and overalert.

HELP!

They can be helped by desensitizing their anxiety, learning social skills, and changing some of their self-destructive thinking patterns. Some medications can be effective for phobias and anxiety. Psychotherapy is highly beneficial for Avoidant who has the courage to face their problems, instead of run away from them. It’s usually revealed that they were humiliated, shamed, or made to feel guilty or inadequate by their parents. Or that they couldn’t always count on their parents for comfort or protection. So, they grew up feeling insecure and negative about themselves. They couldn’t move confidently out into the world or get closer to people.

COPING WITH AVOIDANT PEOPLE

Be very kind and reassuring to these people. Be completely accepting. Encourage them to seek professional help. See how many people you meet who fit the Avoidant personality disorder. Instead of dismissing them as cold or unfriendly, take a second look. Reach out to see if they’d like to become friends (or at least acquaintances).

For all the writers out there, have you ever had any of your characters exhibit these personality styles?

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

Book Review: Sleeping with a D-Man by Mel Hopkins

Sleeping with a D-Man is the ninth book for my reading challenge. And, it’s another one where I broke the rules of only sticking to blogs or Absolute Write. Jade is a good friend of mine from college (oh how I miss those days hee hee), and I noticed that she posted information about this story on her Facebook wall. She was helping out a friend, which motivated me to check out the book too. I wanted to support Jade.

Here’s my thoughts:

What should be a normal school year for 1st year college student Nicole Jettison turns out to be anything but at this east coast Catholic university. Cheerleading tryouts, sorority rushes, basketball games and a lot of school work should be par for the course but Jettison has opted for the extracurricular activities of unmasking shape-shifting drug dealers, sorcery and a night course in fallen angels. In the end, Jettison doesn’t just get a passing grade but a gift from otherworldly beings looking to change their fate and maybe the fate of the world too.

Sleeping with a D-Man: an epic supernatural tale of forbidden love, conspiracy and sacrifice.

This 8 part (the last one only contained the epilogue), 21 chapter book gave a shout-out to West Virginia! I have to thank the author for that. It’s rare that the state is ever mentioned in fiction, so thanks for including us (I’m a West Virginian). Amber was from Wheeling and went back home on holiday break. Then, Moundsville was mentioned about its burial grounds. Both cities I’ve visited, so I was quite excited to read about them!

I was entertained from beginning to end. I didn’t want to put the book down (I’m big on mysteries). The opening showed Nicole’s dad being gunned down while on officer duty. Since it was written in present verb tense, I really felt the impact. That scene was intense as well as the courtroom scene where Azucare shot himself. My favorite quote from the funeral scene was “As soon as I made my oath, I wanted to renege. I felt that promising my life away, was just like being buried alive.”

  • The ending was exciting to read as well. The whole time I thought everyone was out to get Nicole because of a cover-up regarding her father’s death. Instead it went much deeper than that. The characters in the story had to be deceitful so that Nicole could use her free will. When it’s finally revealed what everyone is, then everything makes sense. All I could think was that ‘Dean and Sam Winchester would have a field day on this New York City campus.’

I loved Joy, Nicole, Lisa, and Simone’s friendship. It was nice to see young women getting along with no backstabbing. However, Rachel and Amber didn’t feel the same way. Nicole’s new boyfriend was Drew; they met on campus. Well, Rachel used to date him back in junior and high school; Amber had dated him their freshmen year of college (a year before). Since the two ladies were obsessed with Drew, they couldn’t bring themselves to befriend each other nor anyone Drew had a romantic interest in.

  • Did I mention they were crazy?! Amber kept plotting to get Drew back, which each plan failed miserably. Her desperation oozed onto the pages. Rachel was an Obeah Priestess, so she basically tortured poor Amber and Nicole. I’m talking whatever spell she did, it came true! I couldn’t understand what was attractive about Drew, but the twist at the end revealed everything. I guess they could sense how powerful he truly was.

Nicole’s tires were slashed, she found a salamander in her bed (so freaky–where the heck are reptiles in New York City), plus, she and her boyfriend experienced the same exact dream on the same night. All I thought was ‘I got some voo doo for you bitches!’ hee hee. The psychic scene at the beginning gave me goosebumps. And, when the theology professor acted scared of Nicole after she explained her bizarre dream, I began to think maybe she was cursed. Trust me, I worried about the main character’s safety throughout the entire story.

It’s worth getting past the format issues (some chapters didn’t have paragraph indentations, and some dialogue didn’t start on its own line), plus, some dream sequences, flashbacks were written in all italics. It’s worth reading through because the story was very intriguing. The author Mel Hopkins has a gift of being very descriptive in all her scenes–bringing plot, characterization, setting, and dialogue all together–she was able to set a mood where I got lost in the story. It was very action packed, suspenseful, and tension filled.

  • I loved that there were titles for each of the eight part sections. Each chapter had a heading as well as every scene had a sub-title. I enjoyed this because it gave me a heads up what I was in store for. This book read like an Agatha Christie novel (I’m one of her biggest fans). The story was told through Nicole’s first person point-of-view. However, some scenes used third person point-of-view told through Rachel, Amber, Drew, and her father’s partner of the police unit’s perspective. Since these were very shady people, I knew whenever they had their own views displayed to pay attention–it’d be important later. I enjoyed getting a glimpse of an event or secret that Nicole had no idea about. That’s why I was on edge hoping she’d realize she’d have to defend herself.

I RECOMMEND this book to read.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

Book Review: Prayer For All Seasons By Kathleen Cormack

You have no idea how wonderful it was to meet Kathleen Cormack in person. My bi-weekly routine of getting my hair done at Sabrina’s ended in a bright, hopeful future of getting published. I was on my way to leave the salon when Sabrina told me I should stay and talk to a local author, whose appointment was right after mine.

It was cool the way we shared our passion of writing; we both had been creating stories since childhood. She spoke of her publishing journey–getting tired of the rejection letters (that everyone faces. You need a thick skin to make it in this industry), so she hired an editor and proceeded with the indie route.

I really admire that. It takes a lot of guts to put your work out there for the world to see. Since I like being a rebel, I might just end up indie publishing as well. Meeting someone who followed their dream has motivated me to not give up.

I’ve NEVER tried to read inspirational fiction in my life, so I was iffy about buying the book. She had given me her bookmark–a very creative promotional tool, I may have to borrow the idea when my book comes out hee hee). But, I’m happy I gave the book a chance.

Here’s my thoughts on Prayer For All Seasons, which is the eighth book for my reading challenge. I broke my own rules of only sharing authors I found on Absolute Write or other blogs. I couldn’t pass over this opportunity to help a local author out.

Whoever said God has a sense of humor must have been on the sidelines enjoying the last laugh.

The protagonist and her three friends will learn some valuable lessons about relationships and forgiveness, as they help Tricee, the main character, to deal with the hurt inflicted upon her by her mother. Just when she thought God had heard all of her prayers, Tricee learns a secret that will change her life! She cannot believe that her mother has held onto this secret for close to thirty years.

This story was created and written to inspire women, as well as men, to “hang onto their faith” and to forgive others because God does hear us when we pray.

The characters are realistic; you will feel as if you are right there with them! The story deals with serious human issues. It is touching yet humorous, sure to evoke a variety of emotions within the readers.

I enjoyed this 26 chapter book. Meet Tricee. Even though she and Paul were only friends, I thought their relationship was cute and sweet. It reminded me of a more than friends, less than lovers dynamic. I can’t even lie–I squealed in delight when readers were given a secret that Tricee didn’t know (Paul did, in fact, have a crush on her)!

  • I enjoyed Hunter too. The way he and Tricee met in the cafe made me smile. I love honest, straightforward flirting instead of all the B.S. flattery just trying to get into someone’s pants.
  • I really did feel for her when she found out that her best friend from childhood was really her half-sister. I couldn’t even imagine not knowing I had any siblings out in the world. Or realizing I could have had an even tighter bond with someone if I knew they were family.

Meet Pam. She was my second favorite character–probably helped that I could relate to her pessimistic attitude LOL. During the “is the glass half-empty or half-full” scene, I was totally on Pam’s side. I like to think of people like us as realists. I wished she would’ve wised up about her boyfriend Jeff sooner. When all the evidence is right in front of your face, take a step back and stop being in denial.

Meet Jackie. I like that she kept her boyfriend Lem a secret until the end of the story. I began to think ‘well, maybe he’s made up’, so I was laughing when the character finally appeared in person. Meet Val. She was married to Cory. Normally, I’m not so optimistic, but I really feel that they had the perfect marriage–respect, love, understanding. And, Val was the glue, who kept the group together.

The headhopping, and all of the flashbacks written in italics are worth getting past to read this novel about positive, black women who are career-driven and role models. I was happy to see minorities in a positive light instead of fitting into an angry black woman/angry black man stereotype. All the characters were polite, open-minded, and not overly pushy. At the bar, if the ladies told the guys “no thanks”, they didn’t get cussed out or called names. The guys respected their decisions.

I could see this as a Hallmark or Lifetime movie. Every scene made sense and foreshadowed turn of events in later chapters, so I thought the author Kathleen Cormack did an impressive job with plot. All the drama was interesting to read. I love when a story can bring an emotion out of me, and this book certainly did.

I RECOMMEND this book to read.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

Who You Calling Lazy?

Personality Self-Portrait by John M. Oldham M.D. and Lois B. Morris is a very useful book for any writer who wants to create characters from their imaginations (instead of basing a character on someone they know).

LEISURELY PERSONALITY

FIVE CHARACTERISTICS

1. They believe in their right to enjoy themselves on their own terms in their own time.  They value and protect their free time.

2.  They deliver what is expected of them but no more.  They expect other people to respect that limit.

3.  They can comfortably resist doing demands that they feel are unreasonable.

4.  They are easygoing and optimistic that whatever needs to get done will get done eventually.

5.  They accept themselves and their approach to life.

 DOMAINS OF LEISURELY FUNCTIONING

1.  Self–The Right To Be Me

Independence is their first priority.  After meeting his or her obligations, including those to the family, they do what pleases them whether it be sports, art, nature, drinking beer and watching TV.  Nothing will change their mind.

2.  Relationships–You Don’t Own Me

They like or even need to be taken care of, and they enter into relationships easily.  However, they are suspicious of others because they expect other people to ask too much of them.  Their foolproof defense against being taken advantage of:  they simply refuse.  They are very skilled with saying “no” without being intimidating, rigid, or unpleasant.

They often appear lazy to people who don’t share their views.  But, it’s not laziness; it’s the Leisurely insistence that a large portion of their time is ABSOLUTELY their own to use as they please, free of any outside influence.  They aren’t rebels or angrily defiant people. No, they won’t yell or argue; they will just simply refuse the request.

They WILL NOT put the needs of the relationship first, and they don’t go too far out of the way to please other people.  Their partners will need to have a strong Devoted or Self-Sacrificing style to tolerate Leisurely self-interest.

  • Completely dominated by Conscientious or Self-Confident should look elsewhere because they won’t be able to accept the Leisurely approach to life.  Vigilant will be very responsible and take care of things that their partner will let slide.  Another Leisurely could be attracted, but they both will want to be taken care of so one of them should have strength as well as Devoted or Self-Sacrificing.
  • Dramatic and Mercurial are not compatible types because their partner wouldn’t be there emotionally when they’d need support.  Also, Adventurous wouldn’t  work out either.  They tend to want to break the rules while their partners like to play by the rules.

They are responsible breadwinners who are concerned about their children’s basic needs; however, they tend to believe that what is best for them is best for their children.  They won’t go out of their way to adapt to their kid’s needs or wants if they are different then their own.

3.  Work–It’s Just A Job

They are not get-ahead types.  They are cooperative and good workers, but they won’t take work home, won’t worry about work after hours, won’t do work that isn’t their responsibility, nor they won’t try to please the boss by doing extra work.  “IT’S NOT MY JOB!” is their motto when a boss demands extra work from them.  They are always aware of their rights–fair is fair, and anything else is exploitation.  If self-employed, they won’t let their clients put excessive demands on them.

They know where to set their limits on house work or taking care of the family.  When they come home from a long day at their “real” jobs, they may not be helpful in pitching in with chores, etc.

They can do well for themselves even if other people think they haven’t done as well as they “should”.  Since they often work for the same company through the years, they may be promoted to managers.  Here, they expect a day’s work for a day’s pay.  They don’t push employees too hard, but they expect them to follow the rules.

For Leisurely, it’s best to seek a 9 to 5 where they know exactly what is expected of them.  They like routine because they prefer their challenges outside of a work environment.  Or self-employment is another good option since they can make their own hours.

4.  Emotions and Self-Control–Relax, Enjoy, Avoid Stress

They make their lives as comfortable as possible, so postpone the more difficult tasks until the last minute.  The most stress for them is when someone pushes them to do more than what they think is fair or when someone pressures them to change their priorities.  If angry, they’ll be indirect about it–become grouchy, will procrastinate.  They will avoid a head-on confrontation, but if the other person stays persistent, they will justify their behavior and even try to rally other people onto their side.

All they need is a little leisure time to enjoy themselves.  They have good self-control and not driven to excesses.

5.  Real World–Keeping A Low Profile

They believe the world is populated with people who claim authority over others, making them do unimportant tasks all the time.  So, they protect their identities by keeping a low profile, fulfilling only the obligations that they must do, and then they concentrate on what’s important to them in their own time.

TIPS ON DEALING WITH LEISURELY PERSON IN YOUR LIFE

1.  Don’t approach a relationship expecting to change them to suit your needs.  Instead, ask yourself what you like or are attracted to about them.

2.  Instead of judging one value system as better than the other, ask yourself whether your two value systems can co-exist.

3.  Life with this person may demand more sacrifices from you than from them.  Can you cope with this without feeling bitterness or resentment?

4.  Instead of waiting for them to figure out what’s important to you, tell them directly.

5.  Offer to assist with things they need to do.  If they don’t get around to it, don’t nag or complain, and don’t take it personally.

6.  If they begin stalling, refusing or forgetting to do something, ask them “Are you angry about something?”

7.  Observe their hobbies and join in.  They don’t need to be alone when they’re doing their own thing.

8.  Take good care of them because they are suckers for getting pampered and loving attention.

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR LEISURELY STYLE

1.  Ask yourself whether there’s anything you can do to help other people enjoy their happiness.  Don’t think of it as work.

2.  If you do it today, then you’ll have plenty of free time tomorrow without anyone being angry at you.

3.  For every chore or task you have to complete, find a way to enjoy yourself now or later.  Try to make it fun.

4.  Do some of it.  If you do little by little, you don’t have to give up all the fun in your life at once.

5.  Do it now.

6.  You tend to groan when you think about all the things you are obliged to do.  Instead, look at the positive consequences.

7.  You are so good at finding ways to entertain yourself that you may become oblivious to others.  Ask people to join you.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER

DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA

A pervasive pattern of passive resistance to demands for adequate social and occupational performance, beginning of early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by at least 5 of the following:

1.  procrastinates–puts things off so that deadlines aren’t met

2.  becomes sulky, irritable, or argumentative when asked to do something they don’t want to do

3.  seems to work deliberately slow or to do a bad job on tasks that they really don’t want to do

4.  protests, without justification, that others make unreasonable demands on them

5.  avoids obligations by “forgetting”

6.  believes that they are doing a much better job than others think they are doing

7.  resents useful suggestions from other people concerning how they could become more productive

8.  obstructs the efforts of others by failing to do their share of the work

9.  unreasonably criticizes or scorns authority

THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE TRAP

They don’t recognize that they have done anything to make other people angry or to cause them to fail.  If things go wrong, then it’s the other person’s fault.  Their actions are so indirect, so passive, that they dodge responsibility.  To them, compliance feels like submission–which equals humiliation.

They are angry over deep, forgotten hurts inflicted on them in their childhoods by their parents who they depended on for love, attention, protection.  As adults, they remain very dependent on the important people in their lives, but their neediness scares them and opens up old wounds.  They are afraid of acting aggressively toward the people they are dependent on, so they resort to expressing their feelings in a covert, passive way.  Trapped between love and hate, passivity, assertion, these troubled people find small comfort, happiness, or pleasure.  They tend to externalize their suffering rather than look inward toward their pain.

HELP!

The psychotherapist wants to help them locate the inner sources of their anger and hurt.  Very often their parents gave them extremely contradicting, inconsistent, or confused messages about what was expected of them.  Others reveal a childhood where there parents acted indifferent towards them or preferred a brother or sister over them.  Others say their parent was always openly hostile.

The therapist will require patience, for these patients resist the efforts of them just as they resist the demands of everyone else in their lives.  They have little perspective on the sources of their problems.  The therapist must be able to deal constructively with their own anger that these patients may cause.

RISKS, PREDISPOSITIONS, AND INCIDENCE

Alcoholism, depended on drugs, depression, anxiety, suicide, and psychosomatic illnesses are associated with Passive-Aggressive disorder

COPING WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE

It’s very hard to get through to them about what they are doing to hurt themselves and other people.  Keep in mind that deep down, most of them are very needy and may not risk losing you should it come to that.  A person with this disorder who begins to suffer extreme anxiety or depression may agree to seek help.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

P.S.  For all the writers out there, have you ever written characters who have Leisurely style or Passive-Aggressive Disorder tendencies in your stories?

Book Review: Kiawah By Jade Alyse

I found Jade’s wordpress website one day by browsing through the ‘writing’ topics on the dashboard.  I enjoyed reading the descriptions of her novels because she writes romance dramas like me.  They say it’s best to read the type of novels you’re interested in writing for, so I followed the experts’ advice.  I’m very happy that I did.

Kiawah is the seventh book for my reading challenge.  Here’s my thoughts:

Loren Soto meets Nicholas Grey at the age of fourteen on sleepy Kiawah Island–and ever since she can’t seem to shake him no matter how hard she tries.  They grow together, developing a love affair torrid enough to send a mountain crumbling to the ground.  And just as everything appears to be set in place, Nicholas interrupted the course and marries Loren’s oldest friend and Charleston’s princess, Sadie Vansant instead.  Disillusioned and angry, Loren then occupies her time with Oliver Russo, a Vansant childhood friend who mysteriously returns home just in time for the wedding.  Loren then begins to notice that there may be more to Oliver and Sadie’s friendship than they let on, and subtle truths and revelations inevitably lead toward an unveiling of secrets that no one, least of all, Loren is prepared for.

I enjoyed this 3 part, 32 chapter book very much.  I loved how it began with an ex of Loren getting married then it ended with a wedding for another one of Loren’s exes.  I liked how much she grew and changed by the end.

I appreciated the refreshing change of not reading about a woman who has no flaws or who can do no wrong.  Loren was aggressive, some may even say ‘bitchy’.  Personally, I liked her feisty nature–besides, bad girls need loving too LOL.

  • I could relate to this character in some ways–we both push people away when they get too close, and we both love museums, art, paintings.  We’re both artists (sketchers) if you will.

The story was very realistic on all levels.  The author Jade Alyse was brilliant in setting up scenarios that created the most conflict and tension for the characters.  For example, Nicholas (a.k.a. Nicky) married Sadie because she was pregnant.  He wanted to do the right thing and take responsibility for the baby.  Load and behold, maybe he should’ve appeared on Maury to hear those famous words “Nicky, you are not the father.” Was it Oliver’s?  Was it another guy’s?

  • As a requirement for her job, Loren had to work in San Diego for the summer to help with a new art museum opening.  Nicky had to work with her on the project.  You can only imagine all the sexual tension in the air between these two ex lovers who never truly received closure.
  • The love triangle between Oliver, Loren, and Nicky was written beautifully.  I kept going back and forth of who I wanted her to end up with.  The ending was definitely a page turner for me–secrets, rumors, lies got cleared up.  I was shocked and amazed by all the turn of events.  Very well written and kept me on the edge of my seat.

My favorite scenes were 1) Loren goes to the bar with her friends and ends up drunk-dialing Oliver’s phone.  It didn’t stop there; she actually drove to his house because she thought he was being intimate with someone else.  I loved how he asked sarcastically, “Want to look under my bed?” 2) The first hospital scene was very entertaining.  It was after Oliver and Loren hooked up; Loren had been avoiding his phone calls for awhile, so once they meet again after Sadie gives birth, Oliver avoids Loren to teach her a lesson.  Can you say awkward LOL?

Even though the story was told through Loren’s perspective, readers get a glimpse of all the characters’ personalities.  Nicky was cocky, Oliver was so sweet (I may have a bias because the book I’m writing now–the main male character is named Oliver, and he’s kind too).  My favorite person was Joey; he never hesitated to be upfront.  Plus, he loved to gossip.  With a friend like Sadie, who needs enemies?

This story was a fast read.  I laughed in some scenes and cried in others.  It was so descriptive that I got lost in the story.  It read like a movie or maybe a soap opera–the good one like Sunset Beach back in the day.

I RECOMMEND this book to read.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

Update #1 on Romance Drama

I figure it is time for a status update since I haven’t mentioned my story in quite awhile.  Trust me, I’ve been working pretty hard on it.  In fact, I’ve officially come up with the title Though I’m Missing You.  This ties into the fact that even though Poe and Oliver are around each other, they are still emotionally disconnected and missing each other.  Also ties into everyone missing Jenna.

I stated back on December 12th that my 2nd draft was complete.  I didn’t want to revise it until I got a critique by someone else.  I didn’t know that finding a critique partner would be such a long process.

CHASE

On December 29th, Chase approached me on Absolute Write to see if we’d be a good match.  He was writing a mystery with the two leads falling in love, so he wanted my opinion on the progress of his story.  Of course, I said “yes”.  I thought it’d be cool to get a guy’s perspective on my story.

I enjoyed working with Chase, my FIRST critique partner ever.  I always thought that in the critique stage, writers only share about two chapters and possibly a few scenes they feel they need help on, then call it a day.  From there, they revise their entire story from the crit partner’s overall suggestions.  So, I was very happy when he wanted to swap chapters until our rough drafts were complete.

He taught English, so Chase advised me on the correct usage of commas and told me to stop using short, simple sentences ALL  the time.  From him, I learned to use a variety of sentence structures, and I love my semi-colons (which my second crit partner dislikes, but that’s for later).

He let me know that Poe and Oliver came off as self-centered.  I wanted Poe that way; it helped me know that I was successful in showing rather than telling.  I wanted to express she was scared of children.  This is relevant because for the majority of the story she watches Raven, who’s only 4 years old.  Raven was Jenna’s daughter.  But, Chase said it was coming off as Poe being unsympathetic, disliking Raven.  From there, I wrote revisions because that wasn’t the expression I wanted to give off.

Overall, his feedback helped me.  He never said my story was boring (I was afraid that may be the case for him since he’s not used to reading romance AT ALL), so that was a plus.  We actually sent our chapter 4 critiques through email on January 9th, which I didn’t know that’d be the last I’d hear from him.  No goodbye, see ya later, peace out, thanks for helping me.  Not pressing the issue, I just moved on.

Chase, if you ever read this, thanks for being my crit partner.  From your advice and suggestions, it helped me better edit my rough draft for the next person, which is—-

ANAM

On January 7th, I approached Anam to become my critique partner because I wanted a female perspective (hello, female readers are who I want). I found her on LadiesWhoCritique; her story sounded interesting–a man and woman met 5 years ago, then meet again.  She strictly writes romance, so I knew I could learn a lot from her.  And, it’s a plus that we swap two chapters at a time until our stories are complete.  As of today, I only have fifteen chapters left; so close, yet so far away.

Anyway, she’s taught me a lot. Anam is like a beta-reader and critique partner wrapped in one, and it’s so amazing.  She’s going way beyond what I thought a crit partner does, so I’m very grateful.  She’s teaching me about the unwritten rules of romance.  Perhaps we’ve covered them all–who knows because I still have chapters left for her to make suggestions on.

Rule #1:  Female main character doesn’t have to be sunshine and rainbows, but she shouldn’t be selfish or self-centered.

Like Chase, Anam was good in picking up that Poe was a little self-centered.  From her suggestions, I decided to tweak Poe’s personality quite a bit.  Romance readers have to like the female character in the novel.

Rule #2:  Female main character shouldn’t think nasty thoughts about other people unless they’re horribly nasty first.

Poe is sarcastic; I refuse to change that.  In fact, Anam seemed to enjoy some of Oliver’s interior monologue where he was snarky too, so I changed his personality to be a little sarcastic as well.  I need my humor somewhere.  Anyway, there’s a tension filled scene in chapter 4 where Poe wishes she could be anywhere else besides in the car with her ex Oliver and his girlfriend Kate.  Kate’s made it pretty obvious that she hates Poe even though Poe hasn’t done anything to her.  Kate and Oliver argue in the car, and it’s through Poe’s point of view.  Of course, I made it as snarky as possible.  Poe is one of those people who hides her discomfort or nervousness through wit and sarcasm.  So, that’s the vibe I was going for with Poe’s interior monologue (or narration).

Anam advised me that this scene will make Poe unlikeable.  Instead of the readers rooting for Poe to get back together with Oliver, they’ll be siding with Kate.  I have to decide whether I want to keep the scene as is or change chapter 3 to make Kate do something nasty to Poe unprovoked.  In that chapter, they all meet at Dominic’s (Jenna’s husband) house.  Maybe I can add a scene where Kate is rude to Poe, so there’s a reason she has her guard up in chapter 4.  Or, I can just change Poe’s perspective in chapter 4 a bit, so it’s not “cruel”.  But, it’s so funny…

There’s a huge double standard in romance novels that I don’t agree with.  It seems like the woman has to be perfect all the time; she’s not allowed any leeway.  She’s judged so harshly while the man can do whatever he pleases.  So not fair.  Like, Poe seems bitchy for making fun of Kate in her thoughts, but Oliver gets a pass for throwing Kate out of the car.

I would think Poe could get a pass for some of the tension later on in the story since she is grieving the loss of her best friend.  Besides there are unresolved issues with Oliver that she’s still upset about.  I don’t see why Poe gets called bitchy for expressing some slight frustration with him.  I don’t know anyone who’s conflict/argument style is one of acting rationally, or thinking ‘oh boy, I better not say this because it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings’.

How can I have tension and conflict if Poe is expected to be a Mary Sue about everything?  I want something else besides sexual tension from the two exes.

Rule #3:  Males in romance novels have to be strong.

Oliver isn’t a Gary Stu by any means, but I wanted him to be shy, nice, and respectful.  The guy who wears his heart on his sleeve to counteract that Poe keeps a wall up.  Think of how Dr. Carter acted around Kem on E.R. with emotional side,but one of Jason Batemon’s characters in anything he’s ever played in.  You know, the responsible one, tends to his girlfriend’s or wife’s needs, the one guys make fun of.

But, I’ve been advised by Anam that he comes across wimpy.  Yikes, I don’t want that.  I’m editing to make him more assertive if you will.  Think Pacey Witter–reasonable, low self-esteem, challenged Joey but always respectful.

Is it true that guys can’t cry at all in a romance novel?  I mean, Oliver’s cousin did die after all.  Is he not allowed to cry in the privacy of his own apartment?  What about later during the funeral scene?  Is there any leeway?

Rule #4:  Relationships should take up a lot, if not much of the plot or it isn’t a romance.

In chapter 1, Oliver calls Poe to let her know that Jenna had passed away that night.  Then, chapter 2 they officially meet at the airport.  So far, Chase and Anam didn’t mind the opening, but I’m still debating if I should change it.  Maybe I should start with chapter 2 to open up with all the awkward tension they have towards each other, leaving readers to wonder who Jenna is and why the exes haven’t spoken in a year, etc.

From Anam’s useful suggestions, I’ve managed to show rather than tell how much Poe and Oliver mean to each other even though she’s afraid to admit it aloud.  Trust me, he has no problems shouting it from the rooftops.  She pointed out in some scenes where Poe may be thinking about Raven or Dominic, but Poe should be thinking about Oliver because of what happened in the previous scene.  I’m happy that she helped with that–the perks of having a critique partner in the same genre you write for.  I probably wouldn’t have received that keen advice from Chase if he hadn’t jump ship.

OVERALL PROCESS

I’m very excited how my story is turning out.  It’s way different than my 2nd draft.  It’s more improved with a higher word count.  I have to give thanks to Anam and Chase.  Hopefully, Anam and I can keep this steady pace going, so we can finish.  We usually swap about four to six chapters a week.

 I look forward to her suggestions and concerns because I see it as a challenge to fix.  Anything to improve my story is a plus–no more just writing for myself.  I have to consider what fans of the romance genre want to read.  Anam gives me experience on how it’ll be like to work with an editor.  To show that I can revise in a timely manner and am flexible.  As long as the story is still my own, I’m good.

Hopefully, within a month, I’ll be posting that I’ve finished my 3rd draft and am looking for beta-readers.  Right now as I receive my critiqued chapters, I begin editing straight away.  I don’t send my next batch until I’ve worked on some (not all) of her suggestions.  A lot of stuff I agree with, and some I have to stay true to myself.  Like, she dislikes my usage of semi-colons, but I can’t get rid of them.  Then, it would fall back to me having too many short, simple sentences all over the place again.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby

P.S.  I didn’t expect this post to be so long; I guess I had a lot to say.

Book Review: The Stand In By Brad Geagley

The Stand In  is the sixth book for my reading challenge.  I found Brad’s wordpress blog because he liked one of my book reviews. After clicking on his blog, I noticed that he mostly post book reviews, which his are far more superior hee hee.  I love mystery novels, so I had to give his book a chance.  Plus, his funny post about the Vicki’s taking over the internet won me over (I love sarcasm).

Here’s my thoughts on The Stand In by Brad Geagley:

Mystery set in 1957 Hollywood. If you were a studio mogul what would you do if you discovered your leading man was a serial killer?  How do you protect your film?  How do you protect your studio?  And…your leading lady?  Louis Solomon, head of Centurion Studios, is deep in production on his very troubled wide-screen spectacular “A Tale of Two Cities”.  The picture is not even half done and is hemorrhaging money.

This is largely due to the temperamental antics of the picture’s leading man, Rick DeNova.  Riddled with drugs, extremely volatile, Rick has been the cause of a five-week shutdown for beating his leading lady and one-time lover, Lola Chandler, half to death.  While she recovers, Louis must find the money to complete the picture and keep the truth away from the press.  Unfortunately, this is precisely when Darren Cates, captain of the Ramparts Division of the LAPD, brings Louis the even more horrifying news that Rick is suspected in the strangulation murders of a series of blond starlets up in the Hollywood Hills.  Luckily, Cates is being paid by Centurion to keep its stars out of trouble.  But drugs and traffic violations are one thing–murder quite another.  Louis must scramble to complete his picture, save his studio and keep his leading lady alive.

Enter Eddie Baines, a small-town actor from Texas, hungry for fame.  Unluckily for him, he bears a striking resemblance to Mr. DeNova, which has prevented him from getting any parts.  Why should the studios hire an ersatz Rick when the real one is working down the street?  Even Eddie’s distinctive horseshoe-shaped cufflinks do not bring him the luck he needs.  But when Rick’s photo double goes missing, Eddie is hired to replace him.  Seeing the uncanny resemblance between Rick and Eddie, Solomon hatches a diabolical plan if anyone in the press discovers that Rick might be linked to the murders Eddie will be blamed.  The Young Texan is the perfect foil and the perfect fall guy.  But in Hollywood, as ever, nothing is as it seems.

I loved this 9 chapter novel.  The very first scene reminded me of “Summer of Sam”, which is one of my favorite movies.  My favorite moments were when Lola first meets Eddie, Eddie thinking he won’t be nice to his landlord once he gets hired for a gig, and when Danny plays detective.

I like how every angle of Hollywood was mentioned.  Brad Geagley has a gift of being amazing with characterization and describing enough details of a character’s background to make readers care for everyone.  Everyone was interesting.  Nadine and Danny always made me laugh–they worked for a gossip radio station (reminded me of E!).  Then, there was the PR guy, director, and producer.  Understanding their motives helped me realize their desperation of keeping the film rolling.  Even though I didn’t always agree with their choices, I respected their decisions.  Then, there’s the cop that’s being bribed to cover-up.  I so wanted him to tell Louis Solomon to kiss his ass LOL.  Last but not least, the actors and crew.  I enjoyed their sections the most.  I loved getting to see Eddie and Lola’s friendship blossom while Rick and Lola’s came to a screeching halt.  It blew my mind when it was revealed that she hadn’t really been in a car accident, but Rick had hit her.  No wonder she hated him.

This novel was very entertaining from beginning to end.  You have no idea how much I love mysteries, and this definitely kept me guessing to the last second.  I always kept suspecting Rick, Eddie, or the photo double to be the killer.  The author was great in giving little clues here and there to keep the suspense going.  Danny was so close to finding out the truth!

I was VERY IMPRESSED with the twist at the end.  If anyone has ever seen the movie “Tangled”, then you’ve heard of the story about the good son and bad son.  That will give you an idea of how awesome the twist was.  Was Rick the killer?  Or someone else?  I would love to tell you, but I can’t give it away.  You’ll have to read the book to find out.  Let’s just say, I was spooked.

This book was a fast read.  It was so descriptive and engaging that I got lost in the story.  It felt like I was watching a movie.  I will admit I was scared at first to read it because it was based in the 1950’s (I’m not big on stories set in the past), but that didn’t distract me at all.  In fact, the time and place enhanced the plot, and I couldn’t think of a better way to entertain readers.

I RECOMMEND this book to read.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby