Weekend Writing Warriors is an amazing blog hop that features talented writers every Sunday. Writers and authors get to share their 8 sentence excerpt of published or unpublished works. To join or to read the wonderful excerpts, please visit the WeWriWa’s website on Sunday, August 31st.
This week, I’m continuing my chapter of the celebrity scandal story. Here goes:
Perry squinted his eyes, and his cheeks flushed red. “Don’t start.” Softening his face, he asked, “Did you know Cody was joining us?”
“No, if I did, I sure as hell would’ve given you a heads up-maybe Melody knew?”
They sat in awkward silence for a little while, enjoying their drinks and watching TV.
“Hey bro, do you think Plaid will make a surprise visit next-maybe tomorrow?” Colin asked.
Bug-eyed, Perry turned his head to look at his friend.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta Hosby
yawattahosby 
Hey Yawatta. I don’t know your characters but even in this short excerpt I get the sense that they’re really good friends. And it feels like YOU know them really well, which is essential for having characters who aren’t “cardboard”.
I’m thinking though, your writing style seems straightforward enough that you could cut things like “his eyes” (when you say Perry squinted) and later, “his head” when you say he looked at his friend. Those things are understood by most readers and I think it might help your sentences flow a little better.
One request, from me as a moderator. Could you add a backlink to WeWriWa’s homepage? Just makes it easier for peeps to follow the blog hop. Thanks so much!
Marcia
Hi Marcia,
Thanks for your feedback. I’ll go back and cut things that should be understood by the reader. The link has been added. Sorry about that. It was the first time of me posting using a Tablet. I thought I had typing and adding links figured out…
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Still a very smooth, natural flow to their conversation. Great 8. 🙂
Thanks Meka!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Nice snippet. Great dialogue. I agree the conversation is very natural.
Juneta at Writer’s Gambit
Thanks Juneta!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Friends-nice and easy dialogue. Good writing.
Thanks Charmaine!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
With these short and fast moving dialogue sentences, I promise I’ll still read you if you go over eight.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com/2014/08/weekend-writing-warriors-83114.html
Hey Joyce,
LOL. I do tend to write short sentences, don’t I? I always wondered if I could go over eight, since my excerpts are so short. But, I was scared to take a chance and get in trouble. I’ll keep your opinion in mind though 🙂
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Easy going dialogue. Who’s Plaid?
Hola Burns Millie,
Thank you. You guys will find out about Plaid on Sunday;he’s one of the main characters besides Perry and Sequoia. Cody is just an ex from way back, causing trouble to get in the spotlight, but Plaid is the recent co-worker that the media found out she cheated on Perry with.
Eventually, I’ll have to think about changing characters’ names. There’s too many C, S, and P names.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
I feel like I’m eavesdropping on real people, very smooth dialog. Great 8!
Hey Veronica.
Thank you. Eavesdropping can be fun, especially when you find out secrets!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Very real dialogue, Yawatta. Nicely done!
Thanks Teresa!
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
It seems like a lot of people are going to get involved soon. I wonder what they are planning.