Weekend Writing Warriors is a fun blog hop that allows talented writers and authors to share their 8-sentence excerpts to the blogosphere. The excerpts can be from published or unpublished works. If you’d like to participate or want to spend your Sunday reading awesome stuff, please visit the WeWriWa’s website.
Last Sunday, I started sharing my untitled story about three celebrities getting caught in a cheating scandal. Here’s the excerpt from last week: WeWriWa #7 (if you need to catch up).
And, here’s the continuation of the chapter:
“No you didn’t. No one deserves having someone wrap his hands around their throat…”
Colin scanned the room to make sure no one was eavesdropping. Their bodyguards were 2 tables away, dressed in regular clothing. They were both around 6’4 inches and weighed about 240 pounds. A WWE wrestler had nothing on those men, with their broad shoulders, thick necks, and huge arms. The bodyguards were watching surfers on the huge flat screen TV on the wall.
“You gotta learn to let things go,” Colin advised.
——————–
Like promised, I’ll tell you what happened in the previous chapter. Colin, Perry, and Sequoia (the main female character) are on a promotional tour for their movie Remember Me. In this fictional world, this movie is as popular as all the Twilights. Right now, they’re in Australia. Unbeknownst to them, Cody (Sequoia’s ex before she became famous) visits the interview to bash all of them, claiming Sequoia cheated on him with Perry. All hell broke loose–the camera and audience capturing every moment. This chapter shows Colin trying to cheer Perry up that same night.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta Hosby
yawattahosby 
I’m still wondering who had whose hands wrapped around whose throat! Sounds like an awesome publicity tour. I’m looking forward to more of these characters.
Hey Alexis,
Perry’s hand were around Colin’s throat (he was dissing Sequoia) LOL. It was definitely fun writing this tour section of the book.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
So…in reference to the lead up to your 8, the TV people really should have better screened Cody unless they wanted him on there for the added drama, which sounds like something TV execs would do. 😦
Ok..on to the 8. I liked getting the rest of that scene and getting the background makes you feel bad for Perry.
The description about the bodyguards in between the dialogue sorta take you out of the moment and felt a bit out of place to me. Try rearranging it to show the point I think you were trying to make, that no one is paying attention to them, not even the bodyguards.
Look forward to next week!
Hey Meka,
The TV execs definitely knew what they were doing. Drama and conflict equals better ratings. Thanks for your suggestion of changing how the bodyguards are introduced.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
I agree with Meka. The eight will have more power with rearranging. Intriguing set-up.
Hey Charmaine,
Thanks for your suggestion. I will shorten the bodyguard’s description, so it doesn’t disrupt the conversation.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
I agree that the bodyguards is a little bit too detailed, and draws you out of the moment. It draws to the focus to them, not the characters. But I like him looking over there, and the emphasis that no one is paying attention. Great tension though!
Hey Victoria,
Thanks for your suggestion. I’ll definitely shorten the bodyguards’ descriptions. Tension is fun to create as long as it isn’t real life LOL.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Fascinating premise for the story! I was a bit sidetracked by the bodyguards (they sound hunky inagoodway) but overall I was more than ready to keep reading. Great 8!
Thank you, Veronica. My story idea came from two real celebrities at the time. Big names. I thought of how things would go if there were problems instead of them playing nicey nice for the cameras and public.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Yep, agree with earlier comments about the bodyguards.Just enough to put them in the scene… Interesting premise. 🙂 From this snippet,m I like colin. I hope he’s sincere. 🙂
Hey Teresa,
I’ll definitely shorten the bodyguards’ descriptions so it doesn’t interrupt the conversation that much. It’s cool that you like Colin; he’s really grown on me. He’s hardly featured in the beginning of the book, and I may have to change that. He’s a fun secondary character to write for.
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
I appreciate knowing something about the bodyguards, but I really got the feeling that the scene had more to do with them than the others. I think pare down the description, perhaps scatter what needs to be known throughout the scene instead of all at once.
I am intrigued by the fact that no one is paying them any attention, helps create good tension.
Hey Chelle Cordero,
Thank you for your suggestion. I will definitely pick what I need to say about the bodyguards and cut the rest. For this scene, it should stay focused on the celebrities. I love tension and conflict as long as it stays in the fictional world 🙂
Keep smiling,
Yawatta
Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors Excerpt #9 | yawattahosby
Pingback: Weekend Writing Warriors Excerpt #10 | yawattahosby