How To Attract An INTJ (Determined Strategist)

Posted: October 4, 2012 by yhosby in character
Tags: , , , ,

All INTJ’s have a desire for knowledge. We’re seduced by intimate emotional details of stories about other people. We don’t judge based on these stories since we have a desire to understand. Intellect is not the first thing that will attract an INTJ. Believe it or not, if you engage in their imagination and intuition, then you’re golden. Imagination allows us to understand stories; it allows us to feel a connection to another person by empathizing. Our intuition helps with imagination.

INTJ’s are system builders; we want to know the “whole” of something or someone. We tend to ask personal questions to find out the most important things about people if we have a romantic interest in them. We’re voyeurs–we want to know unique stories about people’s lives. The keyword: unique. If you want to grab an INTJ’s attention, then tell unusual things about yourself. Share your secrets.

If you can seduce an INTJ emotionally, then down the line you can seduce them physically. I can’t lie, we aren’t touchy-feely people no matter how much we may like someone. So our crush or love interest will have to initiate first contact.

Here’s the top ways to become attractive to an INTJ (I found these tips on a INTJ personality forum. I should probably join; we’re misunderstood. No wonder we need a support group hee hee):

1.  Realize that you’ve fallen in love with a nerd.

2.  Study your nerd carefully. She will have several interests. Pick a few and learn about them, enough that you can converse about them casually. Your INTJ will enjoy teaching you about the subject, and you can use that to your advantage, making her enjoy your company.

3.  Take time to learn the most common flaws in logic and how to spot them. Nothing impresses and attracts an INTJ more than being able to correctly identify flaws in logic. You’ll earn her respect and she’ll love the healthy debate/discussion.

4.  INTJ’s can’t easily identify flirting directed at them. You have to tell them in a casual way that you find yourself attracted to them and would like to try dating. If she’s interested, then she’ll definitely give you a chance. If you try to be subtle with flirting, she will honestly not get it. She’ll just think you’re being nice.

5.  INTJ’s basic form of communication is the logical argument. Engage them in it.

6.  For INTJ’s, staring into your eyes is the equivalent of making out, without the mess and bother. We rarely initiate physical contact. You’ll have to start off small, then we’ll get the message loud and clear that you’re interested in us.

Keep smiling,

Yawatta Hosby


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  1. Lol! Cute post. I’m going to have to dig up my personality test since I can’t remember my letters. :) Who knows, I might just be an INTJ.

  2. violetcactus says:

    yeah.. I read something like this somewhere in a forum.
    I do agree that uniqueness (in a good sense) is the key. Oh, and I wonder why you didn’t put wittiness in this post.

    Aniway, thanks for bringing this up.

    #smile back from a fellow intj =)

    • yhosby says:

      Nice to meet you Violet: fellow INTJ :) I was thinking about including witty, sarcastic humor but assumed it could’ve just been something I’m attracted to, not particularly all INTJs.

      I just signed up today for Personality Cafe through Facebook. Hopefully, I can meet other people like me.

      Keep smiling,

      • violetcactus says:

        Ow.., though I’m not a member, I love reading there on Personality Cafe.

        Nice to know you too, Yawatta. Based on your interaction with your readers, you seem so friendly.

        #digital hug for you#

      • T Hill says:

        I think it’s more like the other person should find us witty and our sense of humour adorable. Because we see humour in situations where others might not.

      • yhosby says:

        Hey T Hill,
        I can see your point. Sometimes I have to hold in my laugh when I realize that everyone else is taking something personally. I’m attracted to sarcastic guys–the more dark, the better. Probably because they tend to get my sense of humor the best. Some people are too sensitive :)

        Keep smiling,

  3. loveydovey says:

    I’m an INTJ, and I do think this is quite true. I’m attracted to intelligence.

  4. gold price says:

    If you’re just looking for INTJs to talk to, tumblr (check the “ MBTI ” and “ INTJ ” tags, as well as other INTJ tumblogs- links coming soon to nav bar) and the INTJ Forum are probably the best places to look. But obviously, those are online, because the internet is likely the only place you’ll find a self-identifying INTJ that communicates to a degree approaching normalcy for our species.

    • yhosby says:

      LOL. I know what you mean. I’m always on the computer or in the library reading a book.

      Keep smiling,

      P.S. “Our species”–nice touch.

  5. Aly says:

    “We tend to ask personal questions to find out the most important things about people if we have a romantic interest in them. We’re voyeurs–we want to know unique stories about people’s lives.” < haha. this describes me to a T! Sometimes I really do feel like I should come with an instruction manual… that'd be the only logical thing ;)

    • yhosby says:

      Hey Aly,
      Yeah we should come with an instruction manual. I always knew I was different; I just couldn’t explain why. Only recently (maybe like a month or two ago), I took the personality test to determine I was INTJ. Explains everything :)

      Keep smiling,

  6. Michael says:

    “We’re voyeurs–we want to know unique stories about people’s lives. The keyword: unique. If you want to grab an INTJ’s attention, then tell unusual things about yourself. Share your secrets.” Wow, I’m really glad this system of thinking is shared by other people.

  7. Molly says:

    Interesting article! I’m not sure if this applies to all INTJs, but I am especially drawn to people who have a fairly genuine and straightforward personality. I think as a whole we have a little patience for facade. Smalltalk is another doozy — just get straight to the philosophical conversation, but be prepared to back your points with evidence! :)

    • yhosby says:

      Hey Molly,
      I agree with you. I hate when people beat around the bush or sugarcoat things instead of just getting straight to the point. And, I’m terrible at smalltalk. If we can’t get passed that stage after talking for a few times, then I’ll chalk it up to we have nothing in common and won’t try anymore.

      Keep smiling,

      P.S. “Getting straight to the philosophical conversation”–I love that!

  8. Braden says:

    My best friend is falling in love with a girl just like this. It’s good to know my advice is accurate. I’d love a girl as mentally and.intellectually stimulating as this but I’m really touchy feely so I’m asking for too much I think.

    • yhosby says:

      Hey Braden,

      It’s cool that you were able to give your friend good advice. INTJ girls are special :) If a girl like this is your type, I don’t think you can be touchy feely with her at first. She’d have to be comfortable around you for a while before you could even begin invading her personal space. Small hugs would probably work though. Good luck.

      Keep smiling,

  9. GauravSaxena says:

    Oh so there is a reason… why my proposal and love letters looks like a legal document. :D :D :D
    a simple INTJ dating routine (ofcourse mine)
    if {
    you really smart or have great Sense of humor
    then (give it a try)
    Good byes…&& No looking back
    end :D

  10. DeeM says:

    I like to learn what a person is passionate about. I don’t judge it but I do want to know what it is. Then I like to debate (playfully) certain issues. It’s attractive if the person can hold his own in a conversation and even more attractive if in the conversation he can notice a flaw in his or my logic and course correct!!

    • yhosby says:

      Hey DeeM,

      I know right! It is very attractive when the guy can hold his own in a conversation, especially when that lightbulb goes off in his head about a flaw he noticed. I love getting to know everything about someone, especially their passions. Being an INTJ is cool :)

      Keep smiling,

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